Saturday morning with a belly full of pancakes

I was a little impatient with the pancakes.. they ended up being big thick doughy slabs.

Well welcome to my blog. As this is my first entry I wanted to set the tone... that of not too serious... just doing my own thing kind of blog. I do not take myself too seriously. This is not a look-at-me-I'm-bloody-amazing kind of blog. It's to be a honest (probably uncomfortably so at times) share of where I'm at and what my next big fear to face is and hopefully how I overcome that fear.

I've been talking about setting up as a freelance photographer for the past year and I've even been working part-time so I could have the time to spend on it. And it hasn't happened. I'm a very good procrastinator, and it's just getting to the point of ridiculous. Fear has stalled me. It has had it's icy grip on my shoulder and has been my master, 2010 is the year that that is going to end.

I recently began a 40 hour a week job in a portrait studio thinking that it'd be far easier doing that than starting up freelance. Not so. I was faced with more fears; fear of being watched, fear of making mistakes, fear of being told off... the list goes on. There too, my fear made me impotent, it cost me the job. "Jess, you're just too NICE  for this job..." translation: "Jess, you're really falling to pieces over nothing and you're costing us money. Goodbye". I didn't even have the chance to show them my skills with taking photos, I couldn't handle the front of shop customer service and sales. Sigh.

So I feel I've been shown that as much as I think a 40 hour a week job working for someone else would be cushy and so much EASIER, I'm still going to have fear to contend  with. Why not contend with that fear on my own terms, when I'm not costing someone else money?!

I do have a belief in my talents and abilities as a photographer. Working as a press photographer for 5 years taught me to think on my feet, it forced me to learn the people skills needed to get the best shot, and I learnt my way around the gear, which was all top of the line Canon.

However my business talents and abilities are severely lacking. My father may be an accountant but he certainly hasn't passed on any of those skills to me. The business side of being a freelance photographer is what really scares me. And I'm sure that I'm not the only creative that has those same fears. I was in a job interview a while ago and was asked what I'd price a finished artwork of my own at. I gave a price and then followed it with "But then I always seem to underprice myself". The interviewer(manager of the studio chain) replied "I've never met a creative who hasn't".

So wish me luck. Here begins my journey into the unknown.

xjess